"it" just moved
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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