stop calling my apartment porn island.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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