Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
