Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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