Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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