A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
