I should be sponsored by Trojan
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
PANTIES FOUND
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