I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
