A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
