I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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