I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
