Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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