whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
