So drunk its hurt
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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