I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
