Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
