Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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