i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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