I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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