through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
