Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
