she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
