I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
