Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
