I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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