Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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