dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
