i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
