just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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