fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
