I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
