I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
