Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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