Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
