He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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