you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
