Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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