If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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