i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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