I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
