puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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