Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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