she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
