I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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