There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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