Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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