did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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