dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
