How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
