you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
