Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
