Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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