im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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