Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
