Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
