Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
