i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
