We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
