i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
