Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
