Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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