I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
