Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
