peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
