Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
