Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
