Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
