Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
