I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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