Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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